what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
