If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
