During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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