while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
