Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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