i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
