every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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