there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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