Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
