so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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