Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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