He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
