Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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