she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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