why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
