My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
