I wish I only lived at night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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