i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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