Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
