The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
