Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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