Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
