He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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