you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Randomize
