My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
