I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
