Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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