i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
