You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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