How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
