Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
