He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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