Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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