brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
