How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
