I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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