I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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