I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you had me at cake vodka
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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