Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
