I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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