i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
