I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
