we have pet lesbian snakes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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