I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
