NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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