If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
