Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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