i just sent this text using only my big toe
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
