Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
