I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
