Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
