the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
