lets start a swedish sibling band together
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
