Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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