Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
