this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
