Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
