Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
