it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
