is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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