It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
