I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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