1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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