Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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