don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
