seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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