I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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