He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
