Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
