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We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And then my night got REAL pukey
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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