i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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