guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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