my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
