so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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