just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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