you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
