Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
