Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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