My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
