we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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