you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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