just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize