I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize