i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
