why didn't you poke me back
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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