areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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