One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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