if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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