finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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