I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
